Grandad

My Grandfather died at the end of last year.
I was very close to him.
He was/is one of my role models and I have been thinking about him a lot lately.
Maybe it's because of other things but I miss him at the moment more than I ever have before. I know that if he were around I could go visit him and have a bit of dinner and a glass of wine. Well, we would probably drink more than that :)
It would ground me, as it always did.
He could tell me for the millionth time how over population was at the core of the worlds' problems and how religion was its' greatest evil.
I think my Grandfather was quite influential in developing my healthy distaste for doctrine.
It is probably why I feel that all ideas and philosophies should be questioned.
Especially my own.
I could discuss anything with him.
More than I can with most people. Even more than I can with those who are most close to me. This I think is because I respected him above all others. He was not perfect, but he did have my love and respect.
My Grandfather had strength.
Resolve.
These qualities also made him very stubborn and thus infuriating on occasion.
I am a lot like him; at the moment I wish I was more like him.
I would like to have his strength and clarity, but my emotions are much wilder than his were.
For this I thank my Mum :) Truly I do, because without them I would not be able to read people or love people the way I do.
My Mum gave me my gut.
It was very hard watching him physically degenerate.
For most of his life he was very fit and used to frequent the doctor probably more often than he needed to. I think the attention he paid to his health made him find the degeneration of his body even more insulting.
It saddens me that if I ever have children (the production of which he would disapprove of no doubt :) they will never meet him.
I need to talk to him.
I wish he was here.
But he is not.