The coming year, things I've lost and a general positive message of not being a sad bastard :)

I feel extremely positive about this coming year. In both my museum work (my job may go permanent!!!! :) and my art career. Often I've approached a new year in a certain directionless manner combined with with a sense of uncertainty. This suited me, as I was uncertain and directionless. Well, perhaps that is overstating things a little. My compass has been fairly consistent over the last few years but this year I feel it is much less vague. Life, currently, seems to have a focus, consistency and simplicity that it has lacked in the past. 

Loneliness is a presence in my life. Not in any general way. I do not lack company. My loneliness is very specific. This is not something that causes me any overt despair but I do find myself pondering my last relationship and all of the joys and complications that it brought to my life. I miss her. That stated, I do not miss the angst and conflict that we both felt whilst we were together. Love is a tricky thing and I guess it is always difficult and problematic in its various manifestations. It never seems to be clean or simple. Not in my experience. This personal fact most definitely says more about my psychology than the general existence and state of love. Even in the absence of a practical mechanism that would allow two contrary points of view to exist simultaneously and in harmony I still want what I had.

Work will dominate this year. As it often does, but this year will be busy. I am involved in two group shows at the beginning of the year and I have a solo show scheduled in September. All the shows are going to be fantastic and the work I'm making for them continues to surprise me with an unexpected visual logic. Art seems a very unconscious practice sometimes. I do like how a small set of rules and whole lot of improvisation can provide very unexpected results. It is one of the true joys of making that one can surprise oneself and others. I also intend to hit the art prizes pretty hard. They are expensive to enter but the exposure they provide makes them well worth cost of entry. 

In many ways what I have just written sums up my coming year. Hard work and the shadow of a difficult, lost love. It is however going to be an excellent year. I'm sure there will be many unexpected eruptions of positive and negative incidence. I can't wait to see what happens! Life is weird. It seems so odd that there is something rather than nothing but I am really glad that I get to experience what I do. Life is good and I am a very lucky person.

Oh, one last thing. In the matters of body image and self esteem, I have managed to drop my weight from around 93kg to about 83kg in only a couple of months :) Exercise is good! 

As Jeff Fenech said many moons ago, I LUVZ YEZ ALL, I LUVZ YA!!!